Ask Amy: She berated me because my self-restraint makes her feel bad

Dear Amy: Recently a longtime, good friend was staying with me as a guest for five nights at an expensive resort.

She is used to consuming drinks and snacks throughout the day. I am the opposite, and closely watch what I eat and always politely decline ordering anything when she asks.

Last week she told me how impolite it is for me to never eat anything while she does because she feels she shouldn’t be eating “alone,” and it makes her not enjoy her food.

I was stunned, and yet politely assured and reminded her that I am not being rude but simply do not eat between meals (she knows this very well).

Well, she went on and on trying to get a different response from me.

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I was hurt and felt as though she was treating me as one of her children, her husband or a work colleague.

I let it end and had no other response.

Did I need to reply by saying I watch my weight and do not eat or enjoy unhealthy doughnuts and such mindlessly all day or explain a health problem?

Is it necessary to order something (only to throw it away) for my friend to not eat alone?

I do not want to be impolite, wasteful, lose my friend or be berated like this again.

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Upset

Dear Upset: You do not need to snack alongside your friend in order to be polite. You also don’t need to ingest her bullying and berating.

Dear Amy: My childhood friend of almost 50 years recently lost a child to suicide.

We usually only call one another on our birthdays, and I have not physically seen her in almost 20 years.

I have struggled most of my life with PTSD resulting from a sexual abuse trauma when I was 17. I really did not begin healing until my current physician diagnosed me and referred me to a specialist for therapy.

Suicides always send me to a dark place because it was riding my shoulder for so many years.

My friend did not notify me personally; she posted the news to Facebook. I saw that she was receiving a lot of …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Latest News

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