Miss Manners: I think my brother’s quiet generosity should be acknowledged

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our extended family just had a weeklong reunion at a rental house on the shore. I organized it and initially paid the full rent.

All week long, family members thanked me graciously in a tone of voice that seemed to indicate they knew I had paid.

The final day, one of my brothers handed me a check for 30% of the rent. I thanked him, of course — but only one other member of the family was still there to overhear the transaction (and might not have heard it).

Should I send everyone an email proclaiming my brother’s generosity? (We did all the other communication for the trip by email.) Or should I merely include this update when responding to thanks that I receive in the future? Where does recognizing generosity bleed over into excess recognition?

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GENTLE READER: We are still talking about a family event, not a charity fundraiser, correct?

Fundraisers proclaim sponsor generosity to reward, and encourage further, contributions. Miss Manners urges you not to confuse this activity with thanking one’s host.

Nor should you worry that, because your brother contributed, you usurped thanks that should have gone to him as co-host. Had he wanted that, he could have made arrangements in advance. You thanked him, and that is enough.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are empty-nesters, and have been invited to many weddings over the past few years — usually ones where we are friends with the parents of the bride or groom, rather than with the couples themselves.

When we got married, over 40 years ago, I vividly remember making sure we went from table to table to welcome our guests and have a brief conversation. I have noticed, in recent years, that I never even talk to the bride and groom; they do not make the rounds or have an old-school receiving line.

I certainly get that it is their special day, and I do not feel insulted or want to intrude. I have tried to be proactive and go up to the couples, but they hardly know us and it can be awkward if we even make it to them. I think about how odd it is on our way …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Latest News

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